Live Clean

For years, I’ve studied health and fitness. Through all that, I gained an understanding of what “eat right and exercise” really means. Still, on the surface, this advice isn’t worth much to the uneducated individual. How, exactly, does one “eat right”? How does one really know what is right, particularly with so many conflicting sources of information?

I once read this rephrased in a way that made more sense to me: eat clean. It’s much easier to conceptually grasp clean as compared to right. Eating clean implies we avoid foods or beverages that have pollutants, poisons, or other unhealthy elements. For me, it means choosing natural foods, high in nutritional value, low in all the nastiness we have come to know and love as western consumers.

As a practicality, I don’t always “eat clean”…far from it. I love too many delicious goodies that enable instant gratification to win over personal willpower. Yet, as a principle, “eat clean” is a phrase I can carry in my mind that lets me frequently reminds me to make better choices day by day. From experience, I know that when I eat clean, I physically feel better, lighter, and more vital. As such, I have a small phrase I carry with me that holds volumes of meaning, a principle by which I can make better choices in my life.

I heard a similar phrase in a program I listened to last year that has also stuck with me: “live clean”. This idea applies to the mind and spirit as “eat clean” does to the body. To live clean is to live free of spiritual and mental pollutants, primarily made up of negative emotions and thoughts such as fear, doubt, shame, guilt, anger, and jealousy.

How can we find peace of mind, a connection to others, or an authentic way of living if we carry the burden of such negative emotions? As fats can accumulate over time and clog an artery, such negativity can accumulate in the mind, clouding our thinking and diluting our serenity. Again from experience, I’ve learned that only to the extent that I live free from such negativity do I experience happiness and authentic relationships in my life.

As with food, to live clean is a matter of daily decisions. To find the source of the negativity I carry I must look at the thoughts and actions I have taken day by day. I must be honest with myself, asking exactly what I feel shameful of, angry at, or afraid of. I must look for my own part in each item, identifying any action I took or character flaw I embraced to create those feelings. I ask in what way I feel threatened such that my instinctual defenses are engaged. I work to find honest forgiveness for any wrongdoing imposed on me. I seek to accept people and circumstances exactly as they are. I make amends to others if needed, and acknowledge my own imperfections.

Through such a process I learn the true source of the negativity in my life. With this knowledge, I can then work to live cleanly, making better choices in my daily thoughts and actions. As with diet, my lack of willpower doesn’t let me avoid all such spiritual poisons, but over time I am able to improve my overall sense of wellbeing. Fear, shame, guilt, and anger weight less and less on me. I live more authentically, feel more connected, and have more genuinely loving relationships with people. My mind and spirit feel cleaner.

The principle of “live clean” is still one I must work on every day. It serves me as a sign post, pointing me in a direction of being contented and useful. I use it as a basis for progress in my life, a standard to which I can strive. I doubt I will ever find perfection in this matter, expecting instead a lifelong journey of always learning to “live clean” one thought or action at a time.

 

Finding My Deepest Purpose

There have been times in my life when I chose a path I later found unfulfilling. For instance, I chose the lifestyle of a software consultant several years ago, enticed by high salaries and the adventure of travel. Eventually, I found the work to be unfulfilling, at times tedious. I felt no real sense of contribution, and felt that I had hit a plateau in my personal growth.

Many thoughts went through my head about feeling this way. I felt I’d made a poor choice, drawn into the field for the wrong reasons. I felt that I hadn’t been true to myself, choosing a relatively “safe” route instead of challenging myself to follow my interests. I felt I’d let limiting beliefs corral me into denying my own purpose, from taking charge of life. I felt fear for changing directions, after I’d already followed one path for so long.

I no longer feel this way. Today, I understand that through our lives, we may experience many different callings. Each calling, each purpose, moves us closer to discovering our deeper purpose, our authentic nature. I felt compelled and excited by a consulting job at one time. That job took me across the U.S., and to four different countries. I  learned a lot, grew through each experience, and formed new models in my thinking that guide me into new endevours. I met many great people, and discovered many truths about who I am. None-the-less, that calling had run its course. It was time for me to discard that part of my life, without regret or hesitation.

David Deida writes that, “It is as if your deepest purpose is at the center of your being, and it is surrounded by layers of concentric circles, each circle being a lesser purpose. YOur life consists of penetrating each circle, from the outside toward the center.”

Our individual journeys through life are a process of uncovering our true nature. Some may find a direct path to the destination, whereas others may following a more meandering path. Ultimately, there may be many paths up a mountain, but there is one peak. That peak in our lives is our core truth. Each calling we pursue with integrity leads us closer to that peak, removing yet another layer of ego and false self. Eventually, we are able to live fully congruent with our deepest nature, and give ourselves fully in love to the world.

Understanding the context of my journey helps to still the mind, to calm the fears, to have faith that the path will be opened before me. It helps me to remember that, at any moment in the past, I did the best I could based on who I was at the time. I cannot look back upon the past and judge that past version of me, as I am not the same person today. I am able to forgive myself for my mistakes, as well as forgive others. I can relax more fully into the Now, enjoying the journey, knowing each day I’m closer to my authentic truth.

 

My Ego, the Bitch

The ego is a bit of a bitch. At least mine is. My ego acts like a scared little boy in a big scary universe: monsters under every bed, boogeymen at every window, and evil monkeys in every closet. Everybody is out to get my ego, to hurt it, embarrass it, or even kill it. Yet, at the same time, my ego is a poser, acting tough, suave, and powerful, trying to assert its place in the world. My ego plays the bad boy around women, the know-it-all at the office, and the tough guy around other men. What a little bitch, my ego is.

I say it’s “my ego” for a reason. It’s not me. It’s merely a possession. It’s an object. It’s a thing. In fact, it’s not even a real thing, just something I created over my 34 years. Sure, sometimes I forget it’s just a thing, not really me. On any given day, my ego may be calling the shots most of my waking hours: reacting, projecting, whining, fearing, judging, pretending, lying, rationalizing, and so forth. None-the-less, I am not my ego. Hell, I don’t even like my ego. If I ever met my ego in a bar, I’d probably leave.

My ego clouds my authentic self. I don’t want that possession in my life anymore. As I am aware, moment to moment, I can choose to let go of the ego and be authentic. I can acknowledge my true feelings, express my true personality, and move toward my true potential. In the words of David Deida, I can exercise my “heart-commitment to discovering and living [my] deepest truth.” I can “make [my] life an ongoing process of being who [I am], at [my] deepest, most easeful levels of being.”

 

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Tonight, I’m going to let others do the sharing for me.

I just watched the commencement speech Steve Jobs gave at Stanford in 2005 (link).

Fresh off thinking about my bucket list, I was drawn to the title, “How to Live Before You Die”.  I’ll briefly share a part of that speech that resonated with me.

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.“

On a similar note, I was reading some of David Deida’s thoughts in The Way of the Superior Man.  He writes from a masculine point of view, but it works for any of us.  He says:

“The world and your woman will always present you with unforeseen challenges. You are either living fully, giving your gift in the midst of those challenges, even today, or you are waiting for an imaginary future that will never come. Men who have lived significant lives are men who never waited:  not for money, security, ease, or women. Feel what you want to give most as a gift, to your woman and to the world, and do what you can to give it today. Every moment waited is a moment wasted…”

Lastly, Steve Jobs ends his speech with a farewell message to the Stanford graduates, one I think is appropriate to us all, one that we can each interpret our own way:

“Stay hungry. Stay foolish.”

 

My Bucket List

I love the idea of creating a bucket list. For the uneducated, a bucket list contains any number of things you’d like to do in your life. The items on a bucket list can be simple and personal (be a loving father) or adventerous and outrageous (climb Mount Everest). I am a fan of the bucket list for several reasons. First, by putting our goals and dreams on paper, we are far more likely to accomplish them. It solidifies them, makes them more tangible. It helps to keep them in the forefront of our consciousness. As Mark Victor Hansen says:

“You control your future, your destiny. What you think about comes about. By recording your dreams and goals on paper, you set in motion the process of becoming the person you most want to be. Put your future in good hands – your own.”

Secondly, the process of creating such a list can help us to know ourselves better. It’s an opportunity to let go of our limiting beliefs and explore the possible. We can discover what is truly important to us, what we authentically want to experience in our lives. In creating my own, I reflected deeply on each list item, seeing if the notion inspired or excited me. If it didn’t, it was left of the list.

Next, the list can serve as a tool to keep us motivated to get out of bed in the morning. It can remind us where we’ve been and where we want to go. It shows us the experiences we’ve already had, and the new ones awaiting us. I particularly like setting bold and exciting goals, things that perhaps seem outside of my reality today. Such goals create a compelling future that pulls me forward with a sense of aliveness and anticipation. When speaking of his own goals, Anthony Robbins wrote “They get me up early, keep me up late, and inspire me to marshal my resources and use everything I can possibly find within the sphere of my own influence to bring them to fruition.” Tim Ferriss, of 4-Hour Work Week fame, wrote that setting “an unusually large goal is an adrenaline infusion that provides endurance to overcome the inevitable trials and tribulations that go along with any goal.”

Lastly, a bucket list can serve to remind us how short life really is. We can spin our wheels daily focusing on the mundane and convincing ourselves we have plenty of time. Frankly, this scares the crap out of me. I don’t want to wake up one day wondering where my life went. With my bucket list in hand, I hope to wring as much inspiration and experience as I can from my short time on this rock.

I started my bucket-list process by reminding myself of some of the bucket list-worthy things I’ve already done in my life. I remembered how it felt to do these things, remembered the enjoyment and felt the excitement. Some of them in my 34 years include:

• Attending Carnival in Rio
• Visiting the Great Wall of China
• Living for 6 months in Australia
• Scuba diving the Great Barrier Reef and Whitsunday Islands
• Spending 7 weeks living in Shanghai
• White-water rafting
• Earning a six-figure income
• Visiting Singapore
• Closing on my first house
• Visiting the Colliseum and Vatican in Rome
• Watching my son being born
• Staying in a Fijian Bure and shared kava with the locals
• Walking through Pompei
• Making love on a public beach
• Completing USMC bootcamp (perhaps not on many bucket lists, but still an accomplishment in my book!)
• Haggling with traders in a Turkish market
• Dressing up and going to the Melbourne Cup
• Celebrating New Years Eve in Las Vegas

With a sense of excitement, I wrote my bucket list, which is shown below. After I was done, and I looked at it, some of the things seem ridiculous; I have no idea how I will do most of them. Nonetheless, I believe I can and will find a way as long as I let the excitement and anticipation drive me forward.

As time goes by, as I grow and evolve, as I check things off, as I learn more about myself and what is possible, this list will certainly change. Still, I will refer to this often, particularly when I sense my motivation and passion starting to wane. Death is the great equalizer, and I don’t intend to the problems of the day-to-day stop me from living as many of my dreams as I can.

My Bucket List – 4.22.11

1. Buy and live on a boat
2. Make a documentary film
3. Play a role in a hollywood movie
4. Sail around the world
5. Drive the Rubicon trail
6. Sky dive
7. Take a driving tour of Europe
8. Run a half marathon in under 2 hours
9. Gaze at far-off galaxies in a scientific telescope
10. Complete the Marine Corps marathon
11. Hike Yosemite Half Dome
12. Join a Pro golf tour
13. Party on a balcony at Mardis Gras
14. Place a live bet at the Kentucky Derby
15. Earn a black belt
16. Enter a ball-room dancing competition
17. Go surfing in Hawaii
18. Learn to speak 4 foreign languages
19. Get a PhD
20. Publish a best-selling book
21. Take a week-long backpacking trip into the woods
22. Take a midnight skinny dip
23. Ménage à trois
24. Find authentic love and get married
25. Hold my first grandchild
26. Play in a band
27. Get my pilot’s license
28. Scuba dive a ship wreck
29. Ride a bull (not mechanical!)
30. Take Drew Barrymore on a date (a man can dream)
31. Attend racing school
32. Drop below 10% body fat
33. White-water raft a Class V river
34. Take a photo safari in Africa
35. Go deep sea fishing
36. Attend the Sturgis motorcycle rally
37. Earn seven figures in a year
38. Attend a swingers party
39. Cliff dive in a tropical location
40. Visit Antarctica
41. Visit the Taj Mahal
42. Go on a meditation retreat
43. Read all books in “The New Lifetime Reading Plan”
44. Live in South America for an extended period
45. Ride the Trans Siberian Railroad
46. Master snowboarding
47. Go to Oktoberfest
48. See a World Cup game live
49. Go to a Summer Olympics
50. Go to a Winter Olympics
51. Go to a Superbowl
52. Party at the Playboy mansion
53. Run with the bulls in Spain
54. Mush a dog sled in Alaska
55. Build a successful company
56. Own a 1969 Corvette Stingray convertible
57. Start a non-profit
58. Be photographed with a President
59. Set a Guinness book world record
60. Attend an international film festival

 

My Hero’s Journey

Carl Jung wrote of the collective unconscious of mankind, a realm of memories collected through the history of man and accessible to all of us on the unconscious level. Many spiritual teachers, particularly those tending toward an Eastern spiritual philosophy, also believe in such a collective “database” of human experiences. I’m particularly fascinated with this idea as it relates to the “monomyth”, also known as the hero’s journey. Throughout history, in cultures separated by time and geography, a particular pattern arises frequently in narratives and traditions. As described by Joseph Campbell in “The Hero with a Thousand Faces”:

“A hero ventures forth from the world of common day into a region of supernatural wonder: fabulous forces are there encountered and a decisive victory is won: the hero comes back from this mysterious adventure with the power to bestow boons on his fellow man.”

I’ve been aware of the monomyth for many years, dismissing the phenomenon simply as a universally acceptable plotline for a pretty good story. Recently, though, as I’ve endeavoured to discover my own spirituality, I’ve become aware of some nature of truth underlying the monomyth, one I believe stems from the collective unconscious and is a fundamental part of the human experience. The journey, I believe, is primarily a spiritual one, and the myth arises from the collective spiritual journeys of our ancestors.

I believe we all are called to leave the safety of our “common day”, a comfortable, risk-free existence we’ve carved out for ourselves. At the deepest level, we can feel our call in our emotions: a sense of restlessness, anxiety, unease that quietly pervades our day-to-day mundane lives. Most choose to ignore this call, avoiding these emotions through various modes of distraction or neurosis. For to acknowledge the call is to face the fear of our own potential, to recognize that our own identities are fragile and our circumstances temporary. To acknowledge the call is to face our own mortality.

Should we head this call, we are to venture into a realm of “supernatural wonder”, where “fabulous forces” give challenge to our individual journeys. Certainly each journey is different, and though we unlikely will encounter dragons or witches or flying spaghetti monsters, we confront inner demons and outer obstacles as we push past our own limitations. This adversity, and the courage to fight it through “decisive victory” is the fire that stokes our spiritual growth. Along the way, we discover our true identities and our true nature. We end our journey in contribution, passing our wisdom and wealth on to those still await their own journeys.

The heroes of today are the men and women among us who find their authentic calling and pursue it with vigor. Perhaps they fall, yet they carry on and adapt. Not all classically successful people are heroes in this sense, either. One need simply look at the many examples of the rich and famous who would appear to have it all, yet find no fulfillment in the end. We may not recognize a hero when we see them on the street. Yet when we have the opportunity to speak with such an individual, we can feel authenticity and love emanating from them.

This is the journey I’m embarked on: to acknowledge a calling, to face the demons, to discover my authentic nature.

I’ll end with a quote from the movie “Legend of Bagger Vance”. Bagger Vance, played by Will Smith, relates his philosophy on golf and life as he says:

“Yep… Inside each and every one of us is one true authentic swing… Somethin’ we was born with… Somethin’ that’s ours and ours alone… Somethin’ that can’t be taught to ya or learned… Somethin’ that got to be remembered… Over time the world can, rob us of that swing… It get buried inside us under all our wouldas and couldas and shouldas… Some folk even forget what their swing was like…”